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just a sarcastic working mom living life in New England

Mondays suck June 23, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 2:16 pm
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It was the first day of summer camp.  Happy fun summer kick-off day, right?  Not.  I was going to bring Nash and his best pal (which would ensure a painless drop off), but since our phone at home has not worked since Friday night, Max’s mom couldn’t get through to confirm the details (even though I left her a message saying the phone wasn’t working and leaving my cell phone number but I’m so guilty of just seeing someone called and not listening to the message I totally forgive this one). Yadda, yadda, yadda, she had decided to bring Max herself so I had to bring Nash alone.  Of course there wasn’t a single kid there that he knew and I couldn’t just leave him all alone so I tried to interact with a couple kids to see if it was OK if Nash join them in the sandbox  and they said ‘NO’.  Seriously.  ’No lady,  your kid can’t play with us tell him to find his own damn friends’, was what I heard and it broke my heart.  But Nash was OK and we wandered around a bit.  I spotted a trash can and decide to throw away his half eaten breakfast bar and nearly empty strawberry milk (for which he told me I was “too awesome” for buying).  I kept trying to get him to finish them but he had told me three times he was done and I was getting sick of holding it.  Of course the moment he realized I threw them away, he wanted them back.  Tears followed by discussions of why we can’t take it out of the trash (I could add another Seinfeld reference here).  After I get him calmed down, we go out to the sandbox and start collecting dinosaurs to play with together.  After a few minutes he looks up at me and says “You can go now, mom.”  Insert tears again, but this time they’re mine.  

Next mission –  catch a train to get to work.  It’s 8:11.  The train out of Salem leaves in 16 minutes.  If I miss it, there’s not another for 45 minutes.  It took me 12 minutes to get here from home, so I can probably get to my parking spot but then it’s another 5 minute walk from there so it’s cutting it close.  So I decide to drive to Wonderland and take the blue line train from there.  Driving there I realize I only have $2.  Parking is $4.  I must have $2 in change in the bottom of my purse or somewhere in the car, right?  Nope.  I have exactly $1.90 and I can’t find another 10 cents anywhere (yes, I’ve pulled over and looked everywhere).    I contemplate making a sign and panhandling for the final 10 cents but of course I don’t have a piece of cardboard or a marker (I looked).  Then I heard the news that George Carlin died and that makes me sad.  I need George Carlin right now to make me laugh, dammit!  I’m sure he was proud that his seven famous words you can’t say on TV have been said numerous times in my car this morning.

So now I just need to stop at an ATM, right?  Of course I don’t see any and I’m in Lynn, Lynn, city of sin so I’m not sure I even want to get out of my car even if I do see one.  I decide to go to a Stop and Shop grocery store and never one to pay a service fees for a bank that’s not mine, I buy a 12 pack of diet coke and do the self checkout thing and plan to get cash back.  Of course there’s a problem and I have to wait for the lady with the key to come, but eventually I make it out with two nice crisp twenty dollar bills.  

I head back to the train station and realize I can’t take the left turn I need to to get into the parking lot. So I drive until I see an opportunity and do an illegal u-turn.  I pull in and give the guy my crisp $20 hoping he’ll ask if I have anything smaller so I can offer him my $3.90 but no luck.  I park and walk across the Lynnway to the train station.  Um, what does that sign say?  ”STATION CLOSED”.  Seriously??  

Cut to me on a bus.

I eventually make it to work and take pride in the fact that it just can’t get any worse today.  Fingers crossed…..

 

 

I hate hot June 10, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 5:23 pm
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It’s only June and we’re already having our first heat wave. Joy! I don’t know why I bother “doing my pretties” as Nash calls it, since my face melts right off as soon as I step outside. Thank God for the Kerastase straightening products and a flat iron.

Whenever the weatherman uses the word “oppressive” I know it’s gonna be a bad, bad day.

How hot is it?

It’s so hot I’ve driven to work the past two days so I can stay in my A/C equipped car and not fry like an egg at the train station waiting for a train that I’m hoping has A/C.

It’s so hot we went to Kung Foo Panda this weekend just for the air conditioning.

It’s so hot, instead of cooking ordering in, we’ve been going out to dinner. To restaurants where there are other people. And surly waitresses.

Oh, and Nash’s new favorite toy is water balloons.

According to my obviously inappropriately positioned indoor/outdoor thermometer (not in the direct sun perhaps??), it was 108 here this weekend.

I’ll take a snowstorm over this crap any day.

 

I hate my local paper May 21, 2008

Filed under: Celebs,things i hate — nashsmom @ 8:00 pm
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Seriously.  The Salem News sucks.  Hard.  I never buy it because there’s never anything interesting in it save for the occasional Saturday purchase just to get the Target flyer a day early.  But since I skipped stalking Kate Hudson last night, I figured it would be worth 50 cents to check out the coverage of a couple of A list celebs in town filming a major motion picture – the first one filmed in Salem since 1993′s Hocus Pocus.  I wasn’t expecting People or US Weekly coverage, but a scoop of some sort.  Here’s the photo that was on the cover:

Really?  

And I won’t even link to the story it was so lame.  C’mon.  Can’t you at least TRY?   I think I had better coverage here on my blog.  

What I have pieced together is that the scene shot was actually the opening scene of the movie where Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson both attend a mutual friend’s wedding.  Kate spent the morning in a trailer parked on Hawthorne Blvd. where a black SUV pulled up next to the trailer and she got in (wearing a white robe and Uggs, natch) and was whisked away to the Peabody Essex Museum – a whole block away. And that’s about it.  No shopping at Pamplemousse, no coffee at the Gulu and she was a no-show for dinner at my place.  Maybe next time.

And now it’s time to hunker down for the battle of the Davids on American Idol.  Can’t wait for Jonas Bros, George Michael and all the other surprises in store.  Who cares who wins?!  (Apparently I do because I did text a few votes in for Cook)

xoxo 

 

Oh for the love of god. May 8, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 7:34 pm
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For those of you that read last night’s post, how do you think I felt when I got home to find this on the front step?

That would be my very own mom’s Mother’s Day gift. Carefully planned out and thoughtfully shipped Tuesday by Priority Mail which, according to the USPS website, would get it there in 2-3 days. Perfect. Except that for some reason it took them that long to give it back to me and tell me sorry, Charlie. Apparently you can no longer weigh a package, calculate the postage on line, and use STAMPS. There needs to be some human contact with a postal associate.

After my outburst last night, I’m hoping mom will find it in her heart to forgive me for being late and understand it really was not my fault. I tried. I failed. Don’t worry mom, it’s not brownies.

 

Voice activated customer service – please bite me April 19, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 1:02 pm
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We’ve all been annoyed at some point trying to call a customer service number and struggling with the impossible act of getting a human on the phone, right? Sometimes I hit the zero a hundred times and just pray for a human. But they often trick you and say to press 6 to speak to someone. And of course there’s the entering in your entire credit card number only to finally get someone to get on the line and ask you for it again. Why the hell did I just enter it?? I would love to meet someone that designs these elaborate systems to see if they will just admit that the key is to suck you into a vortex of pointlessness. Today I called United Airlines. When saying my name, they understood my first and last name (shocking) but for some reason we got stuck on my middle initial, the dreaded “T”. ‘Did you say “d” as in dog?’ – No. T. – ‘Did you say “b” as in boy?’. No. T as in Tango, dammit. (BTW, I know I’m wasting some of my best sarcasm on a damn robot, but really, how can you not be annoyed at this point??). Then I get what I wanted when I first called 10 minutes ago – ‘let me transfer you to a customer service representative’. Thank you. That was kind of the the point. So then “Ben” who is probably somewhere in India gets on the line and says ‘It looks like you need to know your middle initial.’

Yeah, that’s exactly why I called United Airlines. Because I forgot my freaking middle initial. Thanks, Ben.

 

Can you name these dinosaurs? April 17, 2008

Filed under: Nash,things i hate — nashsmom @ 6:55 pm

If you guessed Iguanodon, Triceratops, Allosaurus and Tyrannosaurus Rex you are WRONG. They are: Strep Throat, Strep Throat, Impetigo, and TBD. See, every time you go to the pediatrician’s, you get a free sticker. Nash has been collecting them since March 1. I do not want to see another one until 2009, OK??

And this week alone I have spent over 2 hours WAITING in doctor’s offices. WTF? If I have an appointment at 10:30, I expect to see a doctor within 30 minutes of that time. And if I don’t, would it kill them to freaking apologize for the wait?? I had an appointment with my knee specialist this week and after 40 minutes, he just comes waltzing in all ‘hey, what’s up?’. How about a simple ‘sorry to keep you waiting’?  Or lie with a ‘Sorry, I was busy saving a life’. Or shock me and say ‘sorry, I was busy reading your chart so that I could be completely up to speed on your progress so we wouldn’t have to spend the first 10 minutes recapping where we left off’?? Seriously, they’re called manners. Look into them or ask your mommy and she can remind you.

However, all of this waiting has given me an inspiration for a new book: Things to do while waiting in a doctor’s office. My personal favorite is tongue depressor sword fight. And I rock at Eye Spy. I also love, “Guess what the person in the next room has”, or “What’s in this drawer?” But the true classic is draw on the exam table paper. Nash covered several feet this week…..

 

Seriously?? April 9, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 6:20 pm

After a long hard day at the office, I pick up Nash and get home a few minutes before six. I’m planning my agenda for the next two hours – mac & cheese for dinner, finish the laundry, clean, blog about boobs (you’ll have to check back for that one) etc., etc. But then I open the door and immediately notice two things:

  1. I’ve left Nash’s medicine out on the counter all day. It’s supposed to be refrigerated.
  2. The kitchen floor is covered with ants.

Now this is the THIRD round of antibiotics since the Leap Day Wedding so I can’t mess around. But first I spray the ants to kill the ants then sweep up the dead ants. Joy! Then I call Jim at the Target pharmacy (yes, we are on a first name basis) and he tells me that I do in fact need to get a new prescription. So back out to the car and off to Target. Believe it or not, we came home with just the medicine (free, because I seriously think Jim just feels sorry for me), another Power Ranger and a big plastic tub because really, you just can’t have enough big plastic tubs.

Now we’re having frozen pizza (Nash) and cereal (me) for dinner. And I can’t shake the feeling that there are ants on me.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is my life.

 

I remember when….. March 24, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 8:12 pm
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If you’re my [undisclosed] age, you’ve heard your grandparents tell the story of walking 10 miles uphill in the snow to get to school, etc.
 
 
And now I tell stories about when I was a kid, how we had to get up to change the channel on the TV or when you called someone and they were on the phone, you got a busy signal and just had to try again later. Hell, I tell the story about how when I got married all of 12 years ago and had to plan my wedding using THE YELLOW PAGES. That was what we used back in the day of the dinosaur before the internet was all up and fully loaded like it is now.
 
 
With today’s technology we get what we want when we want it and if we have to wait more than 3 seconds for it, we get frustrated. Which brings me to today’s drama. Netflix is currently suffering a “technology breakdown” and has been down since this morning. But they only have 7.5 million customers so I’m just guessing I’m not alone with my Netflix anxiety today. I finally got the whole new release thing down. See, you send your movie back Saturday so they get it Monday. Monday is when they send out new releases. I got the e-mail this morning that they had received my movie (No Reservations – really, what they hell was I thinking?? ) and with Kite Runner coming out tomorrow and at the top of my queue, I should have it tomorrow. But will I???? It’s looking doubtful. I can’t imagine what kind of giant operation they run and how they manage to do what they do and get these movies out to 7.5 million people every day. I like to think it involves a little bit of magic. How does the internet work? How can we not survive with something we basically didn’t even have a dozen years ago? There was a guy from youtube in our office last week that said every minute, TEN hours of video footage is uploaded to the site. How the hell do they store all that and serve it up to anyone that wants it in an instant?
 
 
It has to be magic, doesn’t it?

 

People I hate March 12, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 8:31 pm

In no particular order:

  • People that stand on the left side of an escalator. Stand right, walk left. It’s practically a law.
  •  

  • People that don’t use their blinkers. Seriously. It’s that little stick on the left side of your steering wheel. Just extend your fingers and you can reach it. Really. Just try it.
  •  

  • People that start to get on the elevator before you can get off. It’s not going anywhere until I get off. I promise.
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  • The people at Mandee’s pizza that can’t for the life of them figure out how to make a pizza that’s half cheese, half light cheese and mushroom. The last one was mushroom and “extra light cheese”. They don’t have low-fat cheese so what the hell does that even mean??
  •  

  • Walky McWalkertons. These are the people that are all in a rush when walking to work and try desperately to get past you. When I hear them coming, I wait until they are right next to me then I pick up my pace to match theirs so they can’t pass. Man they hate that.
 

seriously?? February 22, 2008

Filed under: things i hate — nashsmom @ 10:55 am
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We have this thing at work called “community forum”. It’s an e-mail group that you can subscribe to and it’s where you might list your apartment for rent, a car for sale, fundraising, etc. Occassionally people get silly and there is a thread of humorus comebacks. And once or twice a year, a good fight because a posting offended someone.And there are just the straight up idots that post things like this one just posted: 
 

To: <_COMMUNITY_FORUM@XXXWORLD1.XXX.COM>Conversation: Bagel 
Subject: Re: Bagel

Does anyone want the rest of my toasted sesame seed bagel from Dunkin Donuts?
 
 
I was just craving someone’s cold, half eaten bagel that they’ve had their hands all over. Yum.

 

 

 
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